I sometimes wanna die
by Jade Straight
Summary: I'm hidden beneath a mask. Drowned in darkness and fear and no one to pull me out. I long for someone. I know they do not exist. There is no person in the world that could understand me.


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I sometimes wanna die  
By Jade

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A person is a person never a thing. There is no pure evil as there is no pure light.

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Don't worry 'bout one thing   
Don't worry 'bout nothing   
She said I'm not gonna let this one go   
Nobody's on my side   
Nobody seems to see   
How much, how deep, how far these things can be 

Everyone thinks they know me and some of them do not want to. They judge me by my looks and heritage. Never by what I am. It's always what I stand for. If I were anyone but me, it would be just normal. I would be perfectly content with my life. No one has ever changed that and I doubt anyone ever will. I have been fighting an internal battle since the day I was born. Whether to be cold or comforting. To be rich or a ragged. To be light or dark. It was always like that inside me no matter what everyone told me about power. It's me. I was always this way. Shapeless, cold and cruel. I never really thought I would ever be this lonely but I guess I turned soft when I came to Hogwarts. There was no one who really understood me. I used to look at those fools, falling over themselves to please me. No one understands me, not now, not ever. I used to wonder how it would feel to be me. Not a man. Just me...

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My eyes are dry and, I   
My eyes are dry and   
I, I still don't even know you   
I, I still wish that I could hold you   
I, I sometimes wanna die 

I was taught to be this way. To scorn all below me and charm all above. To have friends in high places and never grieve over loss. I was a machine. My fathers killing machine. I never thought it this way until now. Until the day I woke up and looked around at the world... the _real_ world. A world that is filled with darkness and light. A world where we choose our own journey. A place of happiness and sorrow. It was a place filled with raw emotions, something I was taught to conceal. It was filled with feeling, dreams and hidden hopes. I used to envy them. The shy looks between lovers and the fuzzy warmth between friends. It never worked out for me. It never will. 

  
_And everywhere I go   
And everyone I see   
Somehow almost sets me free   
And the space where we meet   
Is different from the rest   
And I just can't seem to forget that _

I'm hidden beneath a mask. Drowned in darkness and fear and no one to pull me out. I long for someone anyone. I know she does not exist. There is no person in the world that could understand me. I used to think everyone in the world had a person. A perfect partner who they were destined to spend the rest of their lives with. How foolish I was. The truth is that there is no perfect partner, just a basket filled with flowers. Pretty, but fake flowers and I just had one to pick. There was no perfect person. My perfect woman would stay in my dreams forever waiting. Then I tell myself there were many times before mine. Maybe my woman is not here because she passed away centuries before me, Maybe I was there once. Therefore, I really do not have anyone here for me... in this world at least, for I was with her once.

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My eyes are dry and   
I, I still don't even know you   
I, I still wish that I could hold you   
I, I sometimes wanna die   
I sometimes wanna die   
I sometimes wanna... 

My woman was strong and smart. She knew all before me and never doubt my word. She was a woman of pride and did many things in her time. She loved me utterly and completely leaving behind thousands of courtiers. We eloped together and were joined for eternity under a maple tree one autumn day. My last world was different. No one understood her and I was pheasant boy while she a beautiful goddess. She fell for me and refused to leave my side. I know she is waiting for me in her afterlife. I just need to get there. I do not remember her. You are gone now and I am left. I do not know you and I do not love you but I still want you here. You were the only one.

  
_And you were at the start   
And now you are the end   
And you left me with nothing to defend   
I need the voice of a good friend   
Can't stop myself from laughing   
No matter how sad these things can be   
These things can be _

I do not know you at all anymore. You are a dream, a pigment of my imagination that no one can ever access. I know that you for one remember. All those nights of passion in the dark all the love that was there between us. All these people with me now. Their love is nothing compared to what was ours. I wish I could see you again but I do not know you but I still want you. And sometimes...

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My eyes are bright and   
I, I still don't even know you   
I, I still wish that I could hold you   
I, I still don't even know you   
I, I sometimes wanna die  
Yeah, I sometimes wanna die   
I, I sometimes wanna die  
Yeah, I sometimes wanna... 

I sometimes want to die

A/N: This is a special Draco Malfoy/Rowena Ravenclaw (Dedicated to Jamie who can now end her search for a DM/RR fic)

Characters: J.K. Rowling

Music: JoyDrop


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